Bangkok II: Sillom, Palaces

Still in the “tourist” phase of Bangkok, hopefully this will be the last day of it–BECAUSE IF I HAVE TO SEE ONE MORE BUDDHA STATUE I WILL PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE ADAM’S APPLE.

That about sums up the temples, palaces and so forth. Having studied a great deal of Buddha’s teachings, I never saw the part about making emerald statues and bowing down to metal. Nor the part about spending the poor’s money to make huge palaces of crystal and gold rather than feeding them. Maybe I should study Buddhism more, it’s gotta be in there somewhere!

Sillom is the Wal-street of Bangkok by day, and notorious party center/tourist capital at night. If Khao San is the Backpackers haven, this is definately the tourist haven of Bangkok. I was decked out in a silly hat and Kanye West style glasses, and what was behind “club” number 1? I open the door and find dozens of men in their underwear, dancing and making out and dancing nude on stage. I’ve entered gay heaven!

A bit embarassed, I tried another “club”. The second story of the infamous PatPong market.
“Drink, only 100 Baht!” Some giant of a woman said to me. 100 Baht is three USD.
“Only 100, no funny business,” I said.
“Ok ok.”
Success! A real club…but wait, there are nude women on stage. Ok, that’s a step up from the last club. But wait, what’s that one Thai girl doing with those ping pong balls? Ok, sticking them in there, not too sanitary I dare say. Now…a giant straw? And what are those, darts and balloons? She’s not going to…


Three in a row! I applauded as two half-nude Thai girls sat next to me and tried to make conversation.
“I’m just a student,” I said, a quick way to hint that I’m not a “sexpat.” The girl to my left went back to the bar, but the girl on my right stayed to chat. She was a student too, and she found herself as a bar-girl to help pay for school. Probably a lie.

Then came the giant woman: “You pay now, 300 Baht.”
“You said 100 Baht.”
“200 for show, 100 for beer.”
I had been in situations like this more times than I can count, and usually I just walk away, but this woman was gigantic, no kidding, plus there were the bouncers. So I paid the extra six bucks.
“Now you tip mamma.”
“Tip mamma? So you’re momma! I’ve been looking for you.”
“Tip mamma!”
The bouncers came up, and literally, began drawing up their sleeves, though their muscle mass was scant.
“You tip mamma, and pay for girl. You talk to girl, you pay.”
Then the girl next to me said: “We no talk.”
“You sure you no talk?”
The girl shook her head. The near nude college student girl was lieing for me, and mamma didn’t like that. She took the girl into the back and I made my escape.

I tried more clubs, more bars, feeling groovy, but all of them sucked. Patpong and Sillom are yuppie areas, they’re a spectacle and nothing more. Though this was the first time since I’ve been in Bangkok that I saw Americans. That’s right, Americans! Of course they were all families of tourists staying in four star hotels–but hey, Americans still!

I walked back to Khao San road from Sillom, an extremely long and wearying journey. But now Khao San is much more appreciated, where party-town actually has parties rather than sexploits.

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